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Marriage Matters Nancy H. Rosenberg Work-in-Progress Book Proposal Marriage Matters It's a fact of modern-day marriage: getting married is easy, but staying married is an entirely different ball game. In a society that has vaulted the act of getting married to industry status, precious little time, money or effort is spent ensuring the long-term compatibility of most starry-eyed, alter-bound lovers. Instead, nuanced, careful attention is paid to dresses, tuxedos, flowers and cake. And the marriage itself? Well, once the cake has been reduced to crumbs and the string quartet has packed up and gone home, the lavishly feted couple is pretty much left on their own. In the United States, if a person wants to become a physician, he or she is required to spend 12 years in primary school, four years in college, four years in medical school, then several years in on-the-job training before they are given their doctor badge and sent off to heal the sick. Attorneys spend four years in college then two to four years more in higher-education. These are occupations that require a specific set of skills, a practical, working knowledge of their particular areas of expertise. They are difficult fields, so the training is rigorous and intense. Marriage is another difficult field where the training is… rigorous and intense? No. Try… nonexistent. So you want to get married? Dedicate the rest of your life to one person, with whom you may or may not have a lot in common or be even remotely compatible? Well, step right up to the dotted line, promise to love and cherish, yada yada yada, and Boom! You're married! Oh, what's this? A baby's on the way! How sweet! What? Do you mean to tell me you've had no preparation for parenthood, either? Oh well! Good luck! In an age of disposable diapers, cameras and marriages, the trials that face most couples are enough to daunt the most stoically dedicated. Differing views on finances, children and in-laws--the stuff that has poked and prodded secure marriages for eons--has now been supplemented. Couples are marrying later in life, and as a result many come to the table with a mile-long list of debtors and bad fiscal decisions in tow. Some add hosts of stepchildren and exes to the equation. And in-laws are living longer and making more demands than ever. In short, the demands of marriage have grown, but the skills set that couples use to navigate these challenges are often woefully inadequate. At the first sign of trouble in paradise, what do most newly married couples do? They stare at each other, slack-jawed, as though seeing each other for the first time. Here's a real issue, a seemingly insurmountable conflict, staring them right in the face; now, what are they going to do about it? They have no earthly idea. "My parents divorced when I was eight," thinks one. "My parents argue and fight and throw things," thinks the other. They are ill-equipped, and once they realize the full extent of their ineptitude and poor training, it's too late. The wedding is over; all the guests have gone home. You can almost hear their mental anguish. No one told them about this part! No one said it would be this hard! They've got this enormous job to do, this marriage to build, and no one--no one--gave them any tools! There are some things these couples should know. A whole book full of things, and here it is. (Contact Nancy Rosenberg for the full proposal.) |
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